Do you ever feel like you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop? Waiting for the next bad thing to happen? That's how I've spend the past three years of my life. Waiting for the next blow to come.
It felt like so much has been happening to us.... Benjamin's surprise pregnancy, post pardum depression, another c-sec, meningitis, a screaming baby, craniosynistosis, helmet, Curtis going back to school, too much stuff going on. Thankfully, life had seemed to calm down a bit. I kept telling myself that we were done with the bad stuff. That it was time to move on to the good stuff in life, time to receive the many abundant blessing that I knew I deserved for all I had been though. But in the back of my mind, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. For something bad or unplanned to happen.
Then it dawned on me that my thinking was so messed up! God loves me. He loves my family. He has chosen us (Eph. 1:4-6), He loves us, and He intends good for us (Romans 8:28). Does all that mean that only good things will happen to me from now on? Of course not (Rom. 5:1-5)!! But it does mean that I don't need to sit around, mope about what's happened, and wait for the next bad thing to happen.
The rubber hit the road this past Tuesday. I was trying to trust, trying to claim the peace that passes all understanding. But that sinful mindset crept back in.
We had two appointments that day. The first one was for me and the baby. We were hoping to hear the heartbeat for the first time. In the back of my head I had this nagging worry (silly Kierstyn! Matt. 6:34) that the doctor wouldn't be able to find the baby's heartbeat. Rather than just listening for the heartbeat, we got to peak at our baby again. And I saw a beautiful beating hear!! I saw a head, a body, a spine, hands and fingers!! The baby wiggled, and jumped, and looked absolutely perfect!
Our next appointment was for Benjamin. We had to go to Austin to see his neuro surgeon to once again have that sweet head of his checked. His head hasn't completely healed from his surgery, and there are still some openings in his skull. The doctor had told us that if his head hadn't closed up by the time he was two, that we would have to do another surgery, placing a metal plate in his head. I was worried that we would have to endure another major surgery. And the icing on the cake was that our insurance is changing and it would be really expensive this time around.
The doctor walked in, took one look at Benjamin and said, "Did we really cut his head open? He looks perfect!" Benjamin not only received a clean bill of health, but we don't have to go back to the neuro surgeon for an entire year!
Let's say that we hadn't gotten all that good news. What if all my "what ifs" had come true? Would I still be able to say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord!"? I hope so. Because even if the other shoe had dropped, even if there had been more bad stuff, God is still good. When things are tough, Curtis and I frequently remind each other, "God is good all the time. All the time God is good!" Even when the other shoe drops.
But right now, I'm going to quit worrying about the other shoe, and rejoice that God is good, faithful, loving and gracious. I don't deserve one of the blessings that He is showering down on me, but I am thankful!
1 comment:
I imediately thought about this for you. I know that you know this and I hope that it continues to be an encouragement to you.
From Mark 6:25-34
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
I love you, Curtis and those little ones that keep your life so "active"...including that little one one the way.
Dad
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