1 year with a new smile

March '10

May '10, a couple days after surgery

A few weeks after surgery

1 year after surgery!

One year ago, I claimed a bible verse on behalf of Timothy.

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." John 9:3

Today we rejoice in the work of God in Timothy's life, and in our lives.

Timothy's cleft repair surgery was a hard, emotional journey for me as a mother. I tried to chronicle these thoughts and emotions in a few blog posts.

A Wonky Lip (March 2010, after our cleft repair journey began)
Wonky Lip Part 2 (My thoughts after scheduling Timothy's surgery)
And Odd Mental Process (thoughts on the emotional ride of "fixing" your child)
Craniofacial Awareness (a summary of Timothy's cleft story)

Muthahood

Almost Mother's Day...

The kids' thoughts

Isn't God good to give us laughter during times of sadness? My children provided many laughable moments during our time in Oklahoma. I've already forgotten many of the sweet, innocent things they said during our time with my family, but here are a few moment that touched me and gave me the smile I needed.

My Papa loved to wiggle his ears. He would amuse the kids with this amazing ability, and even caught unsuspecting adults off guard. While we were at the funeral home, seeing Papa for the last time, I looked over to see Benjamin, with his finger in Papa's ear, wiggling his finger. I asked him why he was doing this. Benjamin stopped, looked up at me and said, "Remember when he used to wiggle his ears?"

Melted my heart!!

Micah seemed to be the most saddened by Papa's death. While Elizabeth was able to logically think through her grief, Micah was just left with grief that he didn't know what to do with. It was very important to him that he saw Papa.

When we first walked over to the casket, Micah was very timid and nervous. I told him he could touch Papa, and love on Papa if he wanted. He quickly responded, "You do it first!"

After I loved on Papa's hands, and saw Micah was doing okay, I turned my attention to Elizabeth, who was fine, but very hesitant about the whole situation. As I turned my attention back to Micah, I saw that he was sweetly rubbing Papa's hair, his face and his hands. The love that he had for Papa was clear.

Benjamin gave us several moments of comic relief. We had to open the entire casket to "make sure they put his legs in" and to confirm that they had put shoes on Papa. We also chuckled when Benjamin told Micah, "Quit touching him! You'll wake him up!"

As we were getting ready to leave, Micah asked me, "Why do I have to say good-bye? Can't we just come see him here again next time we're in Hokahoma?" It was hard to tell him no.

Walking this road of grief has been hard just for me. Walking it with my children has proved challenging. But how thankful I am for them!

Life goes on

We said good-bye.....

... and then hello.

In God's sovereign, ironic timing, we said good-bye to my Papa on the 21st. Less than 36 hours later, on the 23rd, we said hello to my new nephew, Ephram Brant Wilson.

We all rejoiced over the safe arrival of Ephram. But I'm pretty sure that his arrival took our breath away! When I called my best friend to let her know of Ephram's birth, I way completely overwhelmed by the emotions I was going through. A minute before hearing of Ephram's birth, I had been on the phone with one of my Papa's dear friends.

Last Christmas, at my Uncle's funeral service, my mom (or maybe it was Shannon?) rubbed Megan's belly, and asked Papa what he thought about that new baby (his 6th great-grandchild). Papa shrugged his shoulders and said, "Life goes on."

And since I know Papa's words are true, I rejoice and mourn, cry happy and sad tears at the same time, and go on with my life, thankful that the Lord giveth, and taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Easter

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

Why it's good to have a big brother

Preparing to Grieve.

My Papa (my Mom's Dad) is in the final days of his life.

And while Curtis and I have gone through the process of losing someone close to us, our children have not. Micah in particular is having a very hard time with the thought of losing his Papa. This morning before co-op, he was really struggling. He was being angry, cranky, and just not himself. When I asked him why he was acting the way he was, he cried and said, "I don't want Papa to die!" So before we left for co-op, I printed off these pictures for each of the kids to take.

My grandparents meeting Elizabeth for the first time.
Meeting Micah for one of the first times.


The last time my kids saw Papa.

While it would be easy for me to look up all the various ways experts tell you to help your child through grief, we're just taking it one day at a time. By the grace of God, we're doing okay.

Please keep my family in your prayers. A lot has happened in the past few months (my Grandma's cancer diagnosis, my Papa's fall, my Uncle's death), and it's hard to see God's goodness. But we know it's there. Please also pray for Curtis and I as we seek to minister to my mom, Grandma, and our children.

Our Silhouette Family

My Family from WiddlyTinks.com

The first signs of summer

We have leaves on our tree in the back yard.

The temperature is on the rise.

The humidity is ridiculous.

My older children have started asking about when we get to go to the pool.

And I have to keep my freezer stocked with.....


Signs that summer will be here before I know it.

Just a year?

What is really just a year ago that I took this picture of my four kiddos?

Now look at them!!!
Who said they could go from this......
.... to this......
in the blink of an eye?! Though still the same.....
...they're all so much bigger!!
I'm so thankful for the sweet baby faces.....
.... that are growing strong and healthy.
Even if it means that my baby......
.... is turning into a little boy.
Has it really been just a year?!

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for this past year!

April Fools Fail

I don't like April Fools, because usually, I'm the fool. I tend to be the kind of person who willingly believes what I hear. But not this year! This year, I was going to be the one to play the joke!

This morning, Curtis and I both changed our relationship status on Facebook to "it's complicated".

I thought it was pretty funny that it said, "It's complicated with Curtis Krajca". So very true, Facebook!

Unfortunately, my friends were on to me. My first attempt at an April Fool's joke was a big fail. Sigh. Oh well.

Now I will be spending the rest of the day reminding myself not to believe every pregnancy announcement I hear.....

UNO!

We purchased our first set of UNO cards at the beginning of the year, as I started planning Timothy's UNO themed b-day. The kids learned to play, and LOVE it!

For Micah's birthday, his Aunt Shannon and Aunt Megan sent him UNO Attack, which (in Micah's words) is UNO with a machine.

We've played it a few times, and were able to enjoy a fun game with Papaw and Memaw when they were in town a couple weeks ago.

Benjamin's face as he played a draw 2 card.

Micah's sneaky face

Wordless Wednesday

Amen!

This morning, I was blessed by an amazing sermon. So thankful for Pastor Wade, and his ability to share about God's power and grace. This verse also fits in with the previous post.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9 and 10

Control

Hi! My name is Kierstyn, and I like to have control. Some might even say that I have control issues.

Hi, Kierstyn!!!

The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

This is not a new revelation to me. Struggling to be the one in control of the events in my life is something I've been doing for well over a decade. And just when I think I have this control issue under control, something out of my control happens.

Though I'm still struggling, I like to think that I've made some progress in this particular area of my life. Recently, what I've found interesting is seeing how I handle the events in life that are out of my control verses someone who is not a believer, struggling with an out of control event.

This past week, a discussion on a FB page that I'm a part of was started. The conversation revolved around the possible causes of craniosynistosis. It was interesting to hear the lengths that some parents went to (blood tests for the entire family) as they sought the cause of this deformity. Though Curtis and I have recently learned that the cause of Benjamin's cranio might have been a drug I took during pregnancy, we've had to wrestle with the fact that something like this just happened. It was a very hard struggle for me to realize that sometimes, these things happen with no particular cause. I wanted to know how this had happened, who was at fault, and what I could do to prevent it from happening to any other children we had. But after talking with several doctors, we realized that most of the time, these things just happen. There's nothing we could do to prevent it. There was nothing we could have done differently.

That's a hard pill for a momma to swallow. This was what I saw in the discussion of other cranio moms. Some of them just HAD to have an answer.

I, on the other had, swallowed that hard pill, knowing that I might not know what caused Benjamin's cranio, and I moved on. Though I still don't understand why God chose that road for us, I see his loving hand, guiding us while we walked it.

I naively thought that I was done. God had grown our faith, pushed us, and shown us his love and faithfulness. Check! Done.

HA!

When Timothy was born at 35 weeks with a cleft lip, I again struggled with being out of control. Last spring, God and I did a lot of communing. Mostly, it was me, whining and complaining about how hard things were, and how I didn't understand, and how it didn't make sense, while at the same time being thankful that it wasn't any worse, and thankful that things were working out.

Once again, I was brought to my knees.

And that's where I need to stay. Not because I'm afraid that God will bring another event into my life to show my lack of control, but because that's what He asks me to do. To trust, obey, pray, and seek his will.

Though I'm not there yet, I'm thankful that God is working in my, growing me, and helping me to relax..... just a little.

An only child

First day of Spring, last day of Spring Break

The birthday bike

A couple weeks ago, I went to several garage sales with my friend, Christi. I told myself that I only had $20 in cash, and that I would be spending that money on clothes for the kids. At one of the last stops that we made, I found a Spiderman bike that I knew Micah would love. Since I had my hands full, I quickly wrapped my legs around it and started yelling for Christi. I spent my last $10, and started texting Curtis with my exciting news.

When he looked at it, he noticed that it would need a little work. Despite that, he too thought we had a steal of a deal, and was very excited to fix it up for Micah's b-day.

As we got further into the process of bike repair, we realized it wouldn't be as cheap as we originally thought. The repairs ended up costing just over $40!

We spend a total of $50 on this b-day present, which was a bit more than we were planning on.

The kicker came when we found out that we could buy a brand new bike for only $25 more. Bummer!

Despite the fact that the bike wasn't quite the steal of a deal that I was expecting, Micah was still really excited.

Happy birthday, Micah!

Sweet Micah,

I can't believe that you are five years old!! I clearly remember the day you were born, and how joyful your Daddy and I were to be welcoming our first son into our family. You were such a big baby, and now you're such a big boy!! My prayer is that you will continue to grow and be strong, that you will be a godly man, who loves the Lord and his family.

I'm so thankful for you, and for the how God chose me to be your Mommy. You are such a blessing to my life. I'm thankful for your quiet, sweet, caring personality. I love the joy and light that you bring into our lives. You are a sweet boy, and I love you!!

Happy birthday, Micah!!!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Sleeping with the monkeys

Cute Jammies

My mom got these adorable jammies for Micah and Benjamin, three years ago. I love matching my kids, especially in matching jammies! So I was really excited to put Timothy in the same jammies that his brothers wore.

And for old time sake, here's a pic of the big boys, three years ago, in their airplane jammies.

Conversation

Curtis: I don't think we should let Elizabeth fill up the bunny's water.
Me: Uh Oh.
Curtis: The lid was off and there's water filling the bottom of his cage.
Me: Well, in her defense, she filled up the water bottle at the same time Benjamin tried to catch the bathroom on fire, so she was a little distracted.
Curtis: True!

Oh, how crazy my life is!