A new year

 At the beginning of each school year, I chose a verse to encourage us as we prepare for a new year.

The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel:

for gaining wisdom and instruction;

for understanding words of insight;

for receiving instruction in prudent behavior,

doing what is right and just and fair;

for giving prudence to those who are simple,

knowledge and discretion to the young—

let the wise listen and add to their learning,

and let the discerning get guidance—

for understanding proverbs and parables,

the sayings and riddles of the wise.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, 

but fools despise wisdom and instruction. 

Prov. 1:1-7

May the Lord bless our efforts as we seek understanding, insight and knowledge. For we know that the beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord, and only a fool despises instruction and wisdom.

A new year

 At the beginning of each school year, I chose a verse to encourage us as we prepare for a new year.

The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel:

for gaining wisdom and instruction;

for understanding words of insight;

for receiving instruction in prudent behavior,

doing what is right and just and fair;

for giving prudence to those who are simple,

knowledge and discretion to the young—

let the wise listen and add to their learning,

and let the discerning get guidance—

for understanding proverbs and parables,

the sayings and riddles of the wise.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, 

but fools despise wisdom and instruction. 

Prov. 1:1-7

May the Lord bless our efforts as we seek understanding, insight and knowledge. For we know that the beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord, and only a fool despises instruction and wisdom.

Thoughts from the 40 Day Sugar Fast

Today is Day 10 of my Fast. I am a quarter of the way done!

Physically, I'm in a really good place. I'm thinking about sugar a lot less, I'm not craving it as much and I'm not nearly as sad about the whole situation as I was just a few days ago. I do feel better, and I'm pretty sure I've lost a little weight, though I'm not weighing myself because I don't want this to be about the physical. This is not a diet. I'm not doing this to lose weight. I'm doing this to grow spiritually.

The beginning of this week was tough. We were challenged to go deeper into our fast to push ourselves and spend more time in prayer and in the Word. I fasted till lunch on Monday, and was really able to spend a lot of time in prayer and in the Word, as I had hoped. But by the end of the day, I was a wreck. I spoke with one of my sisters, who is also doing a version of the Sugar Fast, and she said that it really sounded like sin was being revealed, that spiritual growth was happening, which would explain a lot of the feelings I was having. Monday evening I was able to talk and cry with Curtis, who graciously encouraged me where I was at while pushing me to see the big picture of what was happening in my life and in our marriage.

I imagine there will be times when I want to reread and think over some of the scripture and other things that have ministered to me.

"And as He stands in victory
Sins curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ"

"For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, 'In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in thrust shall be your strength.' Yet you were unwilling..." Is. 30:15

40 day Sugar Fast

A week ago, I started a 40 Day Sugar fast.

For several weeks now, I've been struggling with feeling dissatisfied by my weight and how I was doing physically. I knew I could diet and lose weight. I could exercise and lose weight. But I couldn't understand how I kept getting back to the point of knowing that's what I needed to do.

I realized it was probably something more than just diet and exercise. But I didn't know what.

Then one day on Facebook, I saw a call for women to join a 40 Day Sugar Fast. The goal isn't weight loss. The goal is to tear down the idol of sugar in my life. I thought about it, prayed about it, and decided to join.

My previous experience with fasting has been much different than this. I've fasted from food for a day or two (usually in conjunction with a call from the session in a church wide fast). In high school, I participated in Lent.

As I prepared for the fast, I quickly saw how I was going to try to justify certain foods. "Diet Coke isn't sugar, it's a sugar substitute so it doesn't count." "That's a natural sugar, so it's not a problem for me to eat that." I realized that I wasn't really ready to break down those idol, I was just looking for ways to go through the motions of this fast. So with Curtis as my accountability, I set the guidelines for my fast. No added sugar. No Diet Coke. No desserts. I wasn't going to try to substitute my sugar cravings with natural sugars, but I wasn't going to totally refrain from natural sugars (that mainly being fruit).

As I start Day 8, I've had a chance to reflect on the experience so far. I also had a chance to really reflect spiritually yesterday in worship. The biggest thing I learned last week was that I'm so quick to build up other idols. As I worked to tear down the sugar idol, Curtis had to remind me to be careful not to build other idols in it's place. The Idol of Control. The Idol of Self Righteousness. The Idol of Busy. The Idol of Salt (who knew Pringles could be so tasty???).

This weekend, I found myself struggling in my marriage. I wanted to gripe and vent about my husband rather than speak highly of him to my friends. I only saw our differences rather than the ways God has used our difference to grow each of us. I was choosing to be petty rather than moving past minor annoyances. I was choosing to be unforgiving rather than being forgiving and gracious. All these feelings and emotions led to a restless night of sleep.

As I got up this morning, I was was planning how to basically be a bratty wife to prove to him what a lousy husband he was. But then a video, made by the woman who started the fast, popped up on my news feed. She talked about how at this point in our fast, it might be easy to let other sins that have been magnified (isn't that one of the goals of a fast??..... I don't know why I was caught off guard by it this weekend) take control. I clearly saw that was what was happening with Curtis and I.

So obviously, I have some work to do. And I'm thankful for the opportunity to do!

A very Aggie Thanksgiving

This year for Thanksgivng we didn't go to Kansas.  We didn't go to Oklahoma City.  We didn't even go to Wichita Falls.  Since we'll be traveling a lot in December, we chose to stay home and celebrate a very Aggie Thanksgiving.

Our celebration started with a trip to Student Bonfire.  Since the the collapse of Bonfire in '99, any Bonfire has been sponsored by students, off campus.  Curtis was able to attend Bonfire while it was still on campus, but the kids and I had never whitnessed this Aggie tradition.  The day before Thanksgiving, we loaded up the van, joined by one of our favorite Aggies, Callie, and headed out to witness Bonfire.

 

  At 8pm, we were all ready!  Then, and announcer came on the loudspeaker and told us that they would be starting late, allowing time for people who'd been stuck in traffic.  At this point, the kids were SO ready to get this show on the road.  But, like the troopers they are, they hung in there till the speaker started at about 8:30.  We then all participated in a few Yells.  Then, at about 9pm, the red pots lit Bonfire.  It was incredible!  Well worth the wait.

 

 Though we anticipated getting stuck in traffic on our way home, we did NOT expect to be in stand still traffic for an hour and a half!  Turns out we were in the "Sit in your car and watch Bonfire line" not the "Head home with sleep kids" line.

 Early Thanksgiving morning, we headed out to volunteer at a local Turkey Trot.  We had a blast! With all the races Curtis and I have done, they've turned into little racing experts.

 After watching the parade and eating breakfast, we loaded up and headed to the destination of our Thanksgiving meal.

 Yes!  We went to Kyle Field and tailgated for Thanksgiving!  We join the RUF tailgate.  Our RUF minister and his family were there and we greatly enjoyed our time with them.

 Our Thanksgiving FEAST!!!  You name it, Ben grilled it to perfection.

Though we had a great time tailgating, it was rather eventful.  Timothy ate too much, then played football.  He got sick.  Benjamin joined some college students in a game of Ultimate.  He got a bloody nose.  Micah dropped a huge rock on his toe.  He'll be losing that toenail in the future.  And I got smacked in jaw by Timothy's head.  Curtis and Elizabeth made it through unscathed.

 Even though it wasn't a traditional Thanksgiving, I was reminded how much I truly do have to be thankful for.  I have an amazing husband, who lovingly goes along with all my crazy plans.  I have four healthy, beautiful children, who are growing in grace and are always up for an adventure.  I have an amazing church family with whom I can celebrate holidays and not feel lonely, missing my real family.  I have parents and sisters who love me, call me, and share in the fun I'm having, even if it is hundreds of miles away.  I'm a part of a great community.  But more than all that, I am loved with an everlasting, saving love.  

8 years

8 years ago, I started this blog.

My, how much has changed since then.

Our family looked something like this 8 years ago...

And now we look something like this...

While doing lawn work earlier this week, I caught myself think back to how different life looks these days.  I don't have a baby in the house.  I'm not tied to the house with nap schedules and nursing schedules.  I can say "get in the van!" and know that they all will and more than likely, they'll all have shoes on.  We don't have potty accidents.  I don't feel like I'm as anxious of a mommy as I used to be.  I get to have interesting and entertaining conversations with my children.

And while a lot of these changes are good, there are some that aren't necessarily bad, but are challenging in their own way.  My kids have opinions that they readily share with me.  I'm responsible for the three older children's education.  The hurts and sadness and fears that big kids face are real, not as imagined as the fears of my toddlers.

I'm so in love with this stage of motherhood!!  I love seeing the people God is growing my toddlers and babies up to be.  I love that even though they're becoming their own little people, they're still my kids.  They still need me, want me around, sign "I love you!" from the outfield, get a little teary when I won't be around.  I really do feel like I might be in one of the best stages of parenting.

And when the days are long because I don't have a napper and my kids don't go to bed till almost 9, I will remind myself of that.  Because I know it's only by God's grace that we've made it this far!

Everything I need

"... And I have given to all able men ability, that they may make all that I have commanded you." Exodus 31:6

This year, for the third (or maybe fourth) year in a row, I'm doing a One Year Bible.  Maybe this will be the year I make it to March before I get so behind I quit.  So far, so good!! 

Today, as I was sitting outside Scotty's House, reading the Word, I came across the above verse.  God had just finished giving Moses the Ten Commandments as well as instructions for the building of the ark, the ark of testimony, the mercy seat, furnishings, clothing, and more.  I've spent several days reading through all the details that had been recorded about these items.  And I was struck with two thoughts.  #1 Why is this included in the Word?  #2 Wow!  This must have been a big deal and a lot of work.

When I read the above verse, I was struck with how God asked so much of His people, yet provided them everything they would need, down to the ability of the men, to make the things He'd required of them.

And then I was reminded that God has given ME the ability for every task he's set before me.  Even during the times when I feel overwhelmed, unsure of myself, uncertain of how God will use me, I can see that He has and will continue to equip me with the abilty for every good work.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

How blessed I was this morning to be reminded that I am equipped for EVERY good work.  Whether it's being a one car family, homeschooling, taking care of three extra kids, making a meal for another family, being a loving wife... I am equipped!

It's much easier to face the day when you remember that. 

Month of Thankfulness... Day 30

I'm thankful for how God reveals himself to me.  The Word.  Worship.  The saints.

Through the past year, I've seen myself and members of my family grow.  I know God is at work.  But I still struggle with feelings of unforgiveness, contentment and anger.  It hit me last night I'm stuck!  And even though I don't want to move forward in certain areas of life, I have to.

So, after my month of thankfulness, I'm ready to move forward.  It's not going to be pretty!  It's not going to be fun!  And if absolutely isn't going to be easy.  But I'm ready, because it's time.  And I'm thankful that God's revealed that to me.

Month of Thankfulness... Day 20

I'm thankful for the Word.  I'm thankful for hearing my children recite their life verses at a poetry recital for co-op today.

32

Yesterday, I turned 32.  We are in the midst of a really busy week, but yesterday was a calm day.  While doing some laundry and washing some dishes, I found myself reflecting on being in my 30's, what God has been doing in my life, and contemplating the past year.  We're had quite a year!!  But through those things, God has been at work, teaching me and growing me.  I can absolutly say that I'm being refined by fire!

Here are 32 things that I've learned this year.

1. God doesn't promise things will be easy.
2. Hard times don't always have a concrete ending point.
3. Watching what you eat isn't fun.
4. Watching what you eat coupled with exercise will produce results.
5. I've put limits on myself that I've enjoyed challenging.
6. Challenging my limits is fun!
7. The hope of Heaven has become more and more real.
8. Being a mom doesn't get easier the longer you do it.
9. Justice doesn't satisfy the way I thought it would.
10. Friends who know when to advice and when to just be are blessings.
11. The internet can be dangerous.
12. Grief is a process.  Sometimes, I long process.
13. I need to cherish little moments more.
14. Not having a baby is kinda nice.
15. Just because I didn't get the results I expected doesn't mean I wasn't doing what God called me to do.
16. Skype, e-mail, and Facebook make the miles seem less.
17. You can always call on family.
18. Children pick up more than I would have thought.
19. There are right and wrong ways of handling conflict with another believer.
20. Handling conflict the same way twice doesn't always work.
21. Eating at home can save a lot of money.
22. A good marriage is worth the fight.
23. I need to read more books to my children.
24. Exercise is better at relieving my stress than eating my stress.
25. Worship is refreshing.
26. Cancer sucks.
27. Being organized is a blessing and a curse.
28. When dealing with struggles, you can still pray for others facing struggles.
29. God doesn't promise to not give me more than I can handle.
30. He does promise that He can handle everything He gives me.
31. I don't want to live in fear.
32. I want to live by grace.

A weight

Life has been hard. Life has been busy. Life has been full of challenges. But life has also had wonderful moments and new memories have been made. Hopefully, I can recap April, before all the busyness of May kicks in. Today, I feel light. A burden has been lifted, justice is being served, and I am thankful. I didn't realize how strongly the weight of the past few months was weighing on me, until recently. And now I rejoice!! I knew God would prove himself faithful, and he has. I knew justice would be served, and it has been. I knew I would grown and mature, and I have. We're still not out of the woods of this trial, but I now have the encouragement that this season won't last forever. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

preserve

This morning, we're preparing our family to celebrate Palm Sunday.

We're also preparing our home for two showings this afternoon.

I'm finding it very hard to balance the two, though I know the more imprtant is preparing my heart and the helping and tending the hearts of my children. The balancing act that I'm seeking is one that any parent is familiar with. Following the wisdom of a friend, I put myself in the Word. And here's the verse I read from Psalms.

3 When the foundations are being destroyed,
what can the righteous do?”

4 The LORD is in his holy temple;
the LORD is on his heavenly throne.
He observes everyone on earth;
his eyes examine them.
5 The LORD examines the righteous,
but the wicked, those who love violence,
he hates with a passion.
6 On the wicked he will rain
fiery coals and burning sulfur;
a scorching wind will be their lot.

7 For the LORD is righteous,
he loves justice;
the upright will see his face.

Psalm 11

As we seek to walk as children of the promise, in faith and not by sight, I find myself growing tired and frustrated. I know that God is teaching me perseverance at this point. It would be so easy to become discouraged, to feel picked on by God and frustrated that though I see his hand, I don't know his plan. The Psalms brought just the encouraged to preserve that I needed. The Lord is righteous! And when I don't know what to do, my step of obedience is to believe that.

Choice of Obedience

I have a choice. I can choose to be upset, mad, angry at God for the circumstances we find our family right now. Or, I can choose to stand in faith, and walk in obedience.

And though it's hard, though I don't understand, and though I don't see how, I will walk by faith and obedience, standing in God's promises.

This week has been discouraging. We're not making the headway in the criminal investigation that I had hoped for. Our house, which we put on the market last week, has been showing, but we haven't gotten any offers, and then we learned that there's another house in our neighborhood also for sell, giving us undesired competition. These combined events have led me to feel more discouraged than I had been. This morning, I decided I had to make a deliberate effort to remind myself of God's love, promises, faithfulness, mercy and grace.

As I was listening to music that encouraged my soul, I came across this song by Keith and Kristyn Getty.

When Trials Come

When trials come no longer fear
For in the pain our God draws near
To fire a faith worth more than gold
And there His faithfulness is told
And there His faithfulness is told

Within the night I know Your peace
The breath of God brings strength to me
And new each morning mercy flows
As treasures of the darkness grow
As treasures of the darkness grow

I turn to Wisdom not my own
For every battle You have known
My confidence will rest in You
Your love endures Your ways are good
Your love endures Your ways are good

When I am weary with the cost
I see the triumph of the cross
So in it's shadow I shall run
Till You complete the work begun
Till You complete the work begun

One day all things will be made new
I'll see the hope You called me to
And in your kingdom paved with gold
I'll praise your faithfulness of old
I'll praise your faithfulness of old

How true these lyrics are! God's ways are good, though I don't see it right now. God is at work in my family, growing our faith to be worth more than gold. And each morning, I lean on God for the new mercies I know I will find.

Where are we now?

What a hard place to be. Coming out of survival mode, trying to find our new normal, looking around and seeing the depravity of the fallen world.

That's where we are right now.

And though things are stabilizing, not everything has been resolved yet.

So, we are going to "set our hearts at rest in His presence," (1 John 3:19) knowing that we can stand in the love of Christ.

One week ago....

One week ago, things in my life got a little crazy.

Actually, A LOT crazy.

CPS showed up at my door, informing me that allegations had been made against Curtis and me. I was shocked, scared, and very uncertain. We scheduled a time for the interview.

I spent most of Thursday crying, making phone calls, crying, trying to be normal for the kids, crying, stress eating, crying and cleaning.

Friday morning, 8:30, our house was spotless, the children we all clean and looked adorable, Curtis and I looked like non neglectful parents who didn't partake in excessive drinking. The doorbell rang, and when I answered, only one case worker was there. He informed us that we would need to rescheduled our interview for Monday.

Awesome.

The entire weekend, the coming interview weighed on my heart and mind. Though I knew we had nothing to worry about, there was no doubt in my mind that our family was under attack. And not just a physical attack. But a spiritual attack.

Monday came, and I was ready for battle. Curtis and I had spent so much time in prayer, both together and personally, wrapping our hearts, minds, children and home in prayer. We had prayer warriors standing with us, also bathing our family in prayer.

The interview went smoothly. We were told when CPS left that all charges were found without backing, and that all allegations would be dropped.

Praise God!!

However, something else came up, due to the interview. I can't go into details at this point, but I covet your prayers as Curtis and I are in the midst of another battle. I can tell you that our family is not in immediate danger, however the whole thing is taking a huge mental and emotional toll on Curtis and me.

Through all this, God has been teaching me so much. Hopefully, as things wind down (hahah!!! like that ever happens around here), I'll be able to share more of my heart.

And for those of you who were curious, the CPS thing is what prompted me to go private with this blog. Never would I have imagined that my family journal and testimony to God's goodness would be the means of attacking our family. But it was.

In my head

Here are some verses that have been floating through my head for the past few days. Isn't God good to give us his Word to encourage us?

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic power over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand firm." Ephesians 6:10-13

"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." Ephesians 4:25-26

And then there are the Psalms. There have been so many that I've read, related to, and drawn strength and encouragement from. Here's just a couple.

"Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed;
he will answer his from his holy heaven
with the saving might of his right hand.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
They collapse and fall,
but we rise and stand upright."
Psalm 20:6-8

"But as for me, I shall walk in my integrity;
redeem me, and be gracious to me.
My foot stands on level ground;
in the great assembly I will bless the Lord."
Psalm 26:11-12

"But I trust in you, O Lord;
I say, 'You are my God.'
My times are in your hand;
rescue me from the hand of my enemies and
from my persecutors!
Make your face shine on your servant;
save me in your steadfast love!
O Lord, let me not be to put to shame,
for I call upon you;
let the wicked be put to shame;
let them go silently to Sheol.
Let the lying lips be mute,
which speak insolently again the righteous
in pride and contempt."
Psalm 31:14-18

3 years ago

Three years ago, I was packing and preparing to head to Austin for Benjamin's craniotomy. It was a very hard, very emotional, very exhausting day.

Three years ago tomorrow, was Benjamin's surgery. Though walking that road was hands down the hardest thing I've had to do, I think back to that day and simply see evidences of grace. God was so, so gracious and good to us!

Since Benjamin's surgery, I've been blessed to be contacted by several families who are walking similar roads. Curtis and I have hoped and prayed that our journey would minister and encourage others, even if their children weren't facing something like we faced. As you watch the video below, I hope you're able to see the mighty hand of God in our life. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

How could anyone?

How could anyone ever tell you
You were anything less than beautiful?
How could anyone ever tell you
You were less than whole?
How could anyone fail to notice
That your loving is a miracle?
How deeply you're connected to my soul?

How Could Anyone by Libby Roderick

I heard this song for the first time today, and immediately though of Benjamin and Timothy, two little boys born with deformities. I also thought of a new friend of mine. Her daughter is having cranio surgery today, similar to the surgery that Benjamin had. Please keep baby Samantha in your prayers today.

My thoughts also went to the people we are surrounded with, who have loved us, and our children, and seen them as beautiful. How thankful I am to be in a community of people who don't see the deformity, but rather the beautiful children that I'm blessed with. Though we did get many second glances, and several questions of, "What's wrong with your baby?", we never once heard any negative comment about the boys. I know that's not the case for every parent who has a child born with a deformity.

Not only did I think of Benjamin and Timothy, but also of my other two children, who are equally beautiful in my eyes. I look at them, and am amazed by how God formed and fashioned them, how he is growing them into the people they are becoming, and how richly I am to be blessed with four incredible little blessings.

Mostly, I share this song so that as you look at yourself, your children, and the people you are surrounded with, that you will see the beauty in them. Have a beautiful day!

It's not fair!

Earlier this week, a friend of mine introduced me to her infant daughter, who passed away 2 years ago. Her beautiful little girl passed away when she was only nine days old.

Yesterday, I learned that a friend of mine who's been struggling to be come pregnant for years is carrying twins!

Today, I was asked to pray for a family I used to know, who lost their son/grandson at birth.

Talk about a week of highs and lows.....

As I was sharing my sadness with a friend, I found myself saying the words that I know so many of us think. "It's just not fair!!" It's not fair that a mother, father and sister should have to say good bye to a nine day old baby who was so very wanted. It's not fair that my friend had to try for four years to become pregnant. It's not fair that a family should be brought to 39 weeks in a pregnancy, to then lose the baby that they were all aching to meet.

I've shared before how earlier this year, after Timothy's premature birth and cleft lip, I struggled with life not being fair. I felt picked on by God. He has the power and ability to spare me from what I was going through, but he didn't. And though God has brought me through those emotions and feelings, I still sometimes struggle to see the hand of God in the situations that I've seen this week.

Today, as I was getting in the shower to wash the spit up out of my hair, it dawned on me that my life hasn't been fair. It's not fair that I was covered in spit up, while other mothers have empty arms. It's not fair that I got to snuggle with my babies, reading books to them, while other mother weep over the void in their life. It's not fair that I have been blessed with four children and other struggle to have one.

So today's been a reminder that life's not fair. But I have a God who loves me. And he loves my friends who are broken hearted and struggling. I need to be thankful for what I have, and not question the hand of my Father. He works everything out for my good and His glory. This week was also a good reminder that there is little I can do to help, so I need to turn to the Father in prayer.

Flashback Friday AND Craniofacial Awareness

The moment you first meet your baby, face to face. Those first few snuggles, and kisses. Trying to soak in every detail of this sweet little person. He's perfect!! He's beautiful!!That's how I felt right after seeing Benjamin for the first time. Had there ever been such an amazing baby?! How blessed we were!
Then the screaming started. He was about 3 weeks old, and had just finished a hospital stay for viral meningitis. No matter what we tried, no matter how much he ate, no matter how many times I took him to the doctor, he kept on crying. My mommy intuition told me something was wrong. I would hold him, pray over him, and cry, knowing something was wrong but not knowing what.

When he was about five months old, we finally started putting some of the pieces together. Maybe all this crying was due to his oddly shaped head. A doctor at our pediatrician's office told us that perhaps Benjamin had craniosynostosis.
We learned that his oddly shaped head was caused by the premature fusing of one of his soft spots. Only six days after his official diagnosis, he had surgery.
A month after surgery, Benjamin went into a helmet to protect and reshape his head. He spent 6 months in this helmet, and our family spend a lot of time in the car going to and from Austin every two weeks to have the helmet adjusted. Looking at Benjamin today, you would never know that this lively three year old once had a rare birth defect, causing a rare head deformity. We are thankful for the care of the doctors and the orthotist who cared for him. We're even more thankful for grace that God showed us and Benjamin during this time.

Recently, I read an article about parenting children with special needs. It likened the journey of parents with special needs kids to a journey to Italy. You get on a plane, prepare to head to Italy, learn Italian, and buy books about the cities you'll be visiting. When you get off the plane, you realize that without warning you are in Holland. It's a nice place, but it's not what you were prepared for. You are suddenly learning a new language, and rapidly trying to adjust to your new culture. The article was written for parents who had children with long term special needs. And while I am SO thankful that I'm not a parent who is in Holland forever, I can completely relate to some of the author's points.

As a momma, I was so in love with Benjamin, even before he was born. The moment I saw him, I knew I would do anything for him. He was beautiful. Then I was told that no, my son was deformed. His deformity would only become more and more pronounced the older he got. His brain was being squashed, and we could face some very severe medical problems because of it. I had been in Italy. Then suddenly, I was on a plane, having just landed in Holland. Rapidly, I had to learn a new medical language, I had to prepare myself for my son's major skull surgery, and a PICU stay (which was hell). And one of the hardest things was that while I found myself in Holland, my other children were still in Italy.

Little research has been done on how or why children are born with craniosynostosis. We've recently learned that Benjamin might have had this birth defect because of some medication that I took during my pregnancy with him, but we're not sure. And we may never know. I do know that everything we went through, and everything that Benjamin went through was for a purpose. I hope that while we were on our journey, we glorified God, and showed His love and the hope we have in Him to others.

Parents who face having a child with a craniofacial issue face some hard stuff! Which is why I want to take some time talking about it this month. There was an emotional drain on us, it took a toll on our marriage, our family suffered, it was a financial burden that was are still trying to recover from. But how very thankful I am that all is well!! And that's what really matters.