A Good Sunday

I love it when I'm sitting in worship, listening to the sermon, and I'm able (with the help of what's being preached and the Holy Spirit) to take out my thoughts, sort them out, and put them back in with a clearer understanding of God's will and desire for my life. That's a good Sunday!

Through the past few months, our pastor has been preaching on Joseph. The main theme through all his sermons have been God's sovereignty and providence in Joseph's life and in ours. This spring, I've really struggled with a "why me??" attitude. I feel like God keeps throwing all these things into my life. And though I trust Him, love Him, and know that ultimately this will work for my good and His glory, it's easy to feel like I'm being picked on. Pastor Wade's sermons have challenged me and convicted me as I've dealt with my attitude.

Today, Pastor Jon preached. As I've dealt with my bad attitude, I've discovered that deep down I feel very sad about life. I blogged about my thoughts and feelings in regards to Timothy's cleft surgery, explaining that I was saddened that I lived in a wold where babies where born with deformity. I'm fully aware that I live in a sin stained world. But today, I received a little more insight into my thoughts, feelings and emotions. My sadness is really homesickness. As I more clearly see the world around me, and gain understanding about how wretched and sinful it is and we are, I find myself deeply longing for Heaven. I long for the day when Christ will wipe away ever tear, for a day where night will not come and faith will become sight.

I'm thankful for this insight. I'm also thankful for the pastors that God has placed at our church who use God's Word to encourage and convict me. What a good Sunday!

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:22-27

Falling asleep

To Whom it May Concern

Yes. My last name is Krajca. But, to whom it may concern, just because I am a Krajca Kid, doesn't mean I like swimming. This afternoon, my Mommy thought it would be fun for me to join my big brothers and sister in the pool Daddy set up outside.


No. Not fun. Not fun at all!

But once my Mommy took me in, gave me a nice bath, and put me in a sleeper, I was much happier.
Just thought you might want to know.

Love,
Timothy

Feel the love?

Baptism

This past Sunday, we had the joy of baptizing Timothy. I hope to blog about that once I finish getting all my pictures together.

I love baptisms! But something dawned on me this week.

I've blogged about Micah's baptism.

I've also blogged about Benjamin's baptism.

And I hope to soon blog about Timothy's baptism.

But I realized that I've never blogged about Elizabeth's baptism!

When Curtis and I joined our church, we were expecting Elizabeth. We were very honest with our Pastor, and told him that we didn't know where we stood on the subject of infant baptism. While we were reformed in our thinking, we had both been baptized when we made a profession of faith. Our pastor reassured us that it was okay, and encouraged us to do some reading. I remember driving to Kansas, to see my parents, and reading and praying about our decision. Somewhere on I35, Curtis and I decided that we would baptize our children.

The gown Elizabeth is wearing is the gown that all our children have been baptized in. My hope is that I will be able to see my grandchildren baptized in the same gown.

The weekend of Elizabeth's baptism was also the weekend our church celebrated it's 25th anniversary. What an amazing time to celebrate God's covenantal blessing upon his people!

It was a very early morning! We chose to have the baptism at the early service so that our family who had come into town would be able to get back on the road. Despite the early hour, it was a very special time!


When I look at the picture above, I again thank God for his faithfulness. We went from 7 people to a booming family of 12! Megan married Matt, and they had Jeremiah. And Curtis and I added our three boys. Once a family of girls, now a family of mostly boys.

The idea of godparents is something that I was familiar with. There are lots of different thoughts on what a godparent is. For us, a godparent is someone who loves and encourages a child to grow in the Lord. Our children's godparents are Michael and Christi Findley. They have blessed us by being a part of our lives, and we know they will love and encourage and train them to the Lord.

Mommy Rhapsody

Happy birthday, Benjamin

Today my sweet Benjamin turns 3. I look at him, and am amazed and thankful for God's grace, faithfulness and protection. I also smile. Benjamin's personality is coming out more and more every day, and I'm learning the kind of little boy he is.

My enthusiastic 3 year old!!!

Just a year ago, at his second birthday.

Benjamin's first birthday.

In the hospital after he was born.

Benjamin, you are so loved!!! I think you are one of the most prayed for kiddos that I know. This is just an isolated example of how blessed you are.

Daddy and I are thankful that you are part of our family. Even though you were the biggest surprise we've ever experience, you were exactly what we didn't know we needed. Our make our family so bright and bring so much joy to us.

My prayer for you this year is that you would continue to grow strong and learn more about your Creator.

Happy birthday! You are so loved.

blue eyes

I think his eyes are going to stay blue. What do you think?

Elizabeth at 3 months

And in case you're curious what Miss Elizabeth looked like at three months......

I love how brown her eyes are in the last picture. Such a sweet baby girl!

My 3 month old boys

When Timothy was first born, almost everyone thought he looked like Benjamin. And I did too. But the more chub Timothy has added to his body, the more Micah I see. So now, at three months old, which baby does Timothy most resemble? Baby A or Baby B? Leave a comment, letting me know your answer. And also take a guess at who Baby A and Baby B are. Micah or Benjamin?

Baby A Baby B
The next two pictures are both Timothy. One before his surgery, one after.

Before and after

An odd mental process

Imagine the first moment you meet your new son or daughter. That sweet moment when you glimpse the tiny life that you've been carrying inside of you. You already feel like you know himut now you REALLY know him

For c-section moms, that moment is frequently different, since you're in the middle of major surgery. But sweet none the less. With Timothy's birth, there was a lot of anxiety and stress, since he was arriving a month early. Coupled with a really rough delivery, I was so relieved when the doctor delivered him! However, the first words I heard about my new son were, "He has a cleft." At that moment, I looked at Curtis and said, "Are you kidding me?!" It felt like a joke. We'd already had a child with a birth defect. Was this really happening again? How bad was it? How would he look? How would this change our life? How would this effect our other children? All these questions started flying through my mind as I listened to my baby try to cry.

I got a quick glimpse of him before they took him to the NICU. As I've blogged about before, I was highly medicated (thanks to some serious anxiety) at this point and don't clearly remember that moment. I got another quick moment to see him before heading to my room. But once I got to my room, I really started thinking about his cleft. It's amazing how quickly something so foreign, that wasn't on my radar, becomes so normal. I had a son with a cleft lip. He was beautiful and perfect, and I was madly in love with him!

Go back that moment when you met your baby for the first time. You soak in every detail, accepting that he has your husband's nose and eyes, and looks a lot like his brothers. Not once do you think, "Hmmm. I think I'll change his nose," or "Gee, I was really hoping for green eyes, maybe well look at getting baby contacts." You completely and totally accept your baby.

But for moms with cleft babies, that's not how it works. Though you totally accept your baby, and find him amazing and beautiful, you know that you'll be changing him.

So the days leading up to Timothy's cleft repair surgery were very emotional days for me. I found that I had to go through a mental process as I prepared myself for Timothy post surgery. I found myself doubting whether the surgery was a good idea. I was worried that I wouldn't find his as beautiful and adorable as before surgery. And basically, I just couldn't imagine changing something about my precious son.

Imagine holding your baby while people tell you how you can "fix" him.

Imagine changing your child's eyes.

Imagine giving your child a nose job.

That's what cleft repair surgery felt like for me.

God was very gracious, and allowed for Timothy to have an amazingly smooth recovery. I now see that we did make the right decision. I love Timothy's new lips and his new smile. But I find myself still missing his old smile.

Room make over

My Mom and I had a plan. She painted half of Elizabeth's pink room a light green. She bought Elizabeth a new comforter and brought her a new bed. We had it all set up. The plan was that when mom came back for Timothy's birth (on February 25th) we would finish putting Elizabeth and Timothy's room together. I was supposed to get Elizabeth's old bed sold so we would have room to make these changes.

Well, as you all know, Timothy arrived a month early.

For the past three months, we've had half pink room, half green room with no crib and no evidence that a baby boy would soon be living in there.

All that changed this week while my mom was here for Timothy's surgery!

Please join me on a tour of Elizabeth and Timothy's room.

Elizabeth's part: (My mom found the comforter on ebay, and the wall decals on line.)

Now on to Timothy's part.

My mom made the bumper! How cute are those little green froggies?!

My mom also made the curtains that tied the theme and colors together.

I'm so please with how cute the room looks! Elizabeth is really excited about her brother moving in with her, which is a huge step from where she was. I really appreciate all the work my mom has done helping me with this project. She always does an amazing job of making Elizabeth feel special, while keeping my taste in mind. Thanks, Mom!!

No more wonky lip

Yesterday, Timothy had his cleft repair surgery. It went better than expect! Much, much, much better than we expected.

Just a few days before surgery, I was able to put into words how I was feeling about the surgery. In the past few year, our family has faced it's fair share of surgeries. This surgery was more major than some, but not as major as Benjamin's craniotomy. But this time, I felt like I was having more second thoughts than with any of the other surgeries we've gone through. I thought a lot of that was due to the fact that Timothy's surgery wasn't medically necessary. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my real uncertainty was because I wasn't sure what he would look like when he was done.

Imagine one day you decide to change your child's eye color, or hair color. That's what I felt like I was doing with Timothy. I was changing something about who my child was. And that's an odd thought process for a mother of a three month old to go through.

So I reminded myself of all the reasons why Curtis and I had made this decision, and why we had started out on this journey. Then God graciously allowed our decision to be affirmed by a very smooth surgery and so far, an amazing recovery. We are thankful for all the prayers that have surrounded Timothy's surgery and recovery. Hopefully, I'll post a few more pictures in the coming days. I'm enjoying seeing Timothy's new smile and want to share it with you all!