I've been talking with my other Mommy friends about this subject, and would like everyone elses opinion (even if you don't have kids!).
For the longest time when one of my kiddos would ask me, "Why?" I would give them beautiful, detailed explanations. Most of the time when they would ask that dreaded question, that never seems to be answerable, it was out of curiosity. "Why do cars have to drive on the roads?" "Why do we go to church?" "Why did God make all things?" "Why do we get sick?" "Why do cows make milk?" I desired to encourage them in their curiosity, as they began to explore God's world.
Slowly, I started to see a change in their "why" questions. "Why do I have to obey you?" "Why can't I hit my brother?" "Why can't I scream in the house?" At first, I again diligently answered their questions, again wanting them to know our reasoning behind our decisions.
But lately, when they start asking that same question (for the trillionth time) I just want to tell them, "Because I said so!!" or "Because God said so!"
So readers, is that wrong? Should I continue answering their "why" questions with detailed answers? Or can I just let them know that "Because I (or God) said so" should be good enough.
4 comments:
I think this one is a tough one. I also have a "why-er". There are days that I explain in great detail, and others where I merely say, "This is the way that it is". And some days, I tell them that it is bad manners to question Mommy's rules. And then there are days for the "I said so"....Sometimes, this is all that will get through to them! I think it depends on the situation and how many times you have to repeat yourself. Oh, I also found that ignoring and walking out of the room all together works sometimes too! Keeps you from loosing your cool! Good luck.
When they why comes after a command, they shoudl be able to obey right away and cheerfully. That doesnt' leave much room for a why. When they have that down then you can start telling them why as it is good for them to understand the foundation on which you base your decision which may be "because God said so!"
If it is just questions of curiosity I think you have options. Lots of times kids just ask questions to hear themselves speak and not because they really want to know the answers. And if they do want an answer then they often don't want a long drawn out answer. This is a judgement call. We have a rule that no one talks just hear themselves talk. That is just idle chatter and doesn't preserve good character.
Interesting question. I think the attitude of homeschooling families is frequently along the lines, “all of life is a teaching seminar.” This means a 'why' question is a great opportunity. We, as adult believers, frequently don’t know the answer to issues we are dealing with: Why did my husband lose his job? Why must I deal with this now? Why is my child sick? Many times the answer is, obey with a cheerful attitude because that is what the Lord God says to do. I think that we can give our children detailed answers explaining the reasons we have come to a certain decision. This approach helps teach them reasoning skills and improves their ability to make wise decisions themselves. However,I found that it can lead to an attitude that the child feels they must agree with a decision, or they must understand our rationale to justify a decision. This is dangerous ground leading to adults who beleve that their finite reasoning skills are the fount of all wise decsions. Sometimes, we must just 'suck it up' and obey, just because mom or dad or God says so. So I guess I feel that both approaches have their place. You and Curtis are great parents, doing an admirable job. Keep up the good work.
In most cases, I would argue that kids need to learn to obey "because I said so" first. After they've done that - after they've obeyed - then I think it's a great idea to explain to them all the reasons why obedience is a good idea (God's glory, honoring your parents, their safety and good, etc.).
God does this for us in the Bible. He commands obedience flat out - "Thus says the Lord." But then, the Bible is full of God's good reasons why we should obey (usually because it's for our good, even if we don't understand it).
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