A Mother

Originally posted two years ago.

"The terrible things that happen to us in this life never make any sense when we're in the middle of them, floundering, no end in sight. The is no rope to hang on to, it seems. Mothers can soothe children during those times, through their reassurance. No one worries about like your mother, and when she is gone, the world seems unsafe, thing that happen unwieldy. You cannon turn to her anymore, and it changes your life forever. There is no one on earth who knew you from the day you were born; who knew why you cried, or when you'd had enough food; who knew exactly what to say when you were hurting, and who encouraged you to grow a good heart."

Adriana Tigiani from Big Stone Gap

Six years ago today, Curtis' Mom lost her fight with cancer and won her eternal reward when she left this earth and went to her true home. When she died, she left a body that had been struggling and fighting cancer for ten months. And we were so thankful that God had taken her to a place where she didn't have to struggle, and where she didn't have pain. But she also left her husband of 27 years, two sons, and a grandson. And me. At the time, I was her only daughter-in-law. We loved her so much, and miss her greatly. But we know her hope was secured, and that we will see her again!

Carol was an amazing mother! I'm sure any 18 year old would be nervous about meeting her new boyfriends mother, and technically, I already knew her. But I clearly remember the first time I went to the house to "hang out" after Curtis and I began dating. I was so nervous, and mostly because I was afraid that his mom wouldn't like me. Even though she gave me no reason to think otherwise, I was convinced that she didn't like me. But as Curtis and I grew closer, I grew closer to his mom. Even when Curtis wasn't home from school, I would sometimes go over and visit with her. As my wedding day grew nearer, those visits became even more special, a time to learn more about the man I would marry, and the family I would be marrying into. We would look at pictures, she would tell me stories, and we would share hopes for the future. One of her hopes was for more grandchildren (she was always quick to tell me that she was very happy waiting till Curtis and I were done with school!). And though she loved the four men/boys in her life, she wanted a granddaughter. Oh, how I wish that she had been able to meet her first granddaughter, Elizabeth, and her second granddaughter, Charleigh! And I wish she could be here to give me advice on how to raise my two sons to be two godly men, like her two boys.

The quote above rang very true for Curtis and I as we were reflecting on his mom yesterday. As we have struggled with life, especially recently with all we've been through with Benjamin, Curtis has often said, "I wish my Mom was still here." But it's not only the hard times when we miss her. It's the joyful times, the times of celebration... births, baptisms, birthday parties, holidays. Carol had a way of making the bad times easier (as only a mother can) and the good times even better!

This song, With Hope, by Steven Curtis Chapman, was played at the funeral. I still cry, every time I hear it on the radio.

"We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope

'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no

And we can grieve with hope'

Cause we believe with hope

(There's a place by God's grace)

There's a place where we'll see your face again

We'll see your face again"

Saying good bye is never easy. Watching my husband of just over a year say good bye to his mother was one of the hardest things I have even been through. And I know the only way that Curtis, his brother, Dad, and nephew were able to say good bye to someone they all loved so dearly was through the grace God gives his people, and the hope and assurance of salvation. As you think of us through the day, please pray that our hearts and minds would be focused on this, not on the loss.