Choice of Obedience

I have a choice. I can choose to be upset, mad, angry at God for the circumstances we find our family right now. Or, I can choose to stand in faith, and walk in obedience.

And though it's hard, though I don't understand, and though I don't see how, I will walk by faith and obedience, standing in God's promises.

This week has been discouraging. We're not making the headway in the criminal investigation that I had hoped for. Our house, which we put on the market last week, has been showing, but we haven't gotten any offers, and then we learned that there's another house in our neighborhood also for sell, giving us undesired competition. These combined events have led me to feel more discouraged than I had been. This morning, I decided I had to make a deliberate effort to remind myself of God's love, promises, faithfulness, mercy and grace.

As I was listening to music that encouraged my soul, I came across this song by Keith and Kristyn Getty.

When Trials Come

When trials come no longer fear
For in the pain our God draws near
To fire a faith worth more than gold
And there His faithfulness is told
And there His faithfulness is told

Within the night I know Your peace
The breath of God brings strength to me
And new each morning mercy flows
As treasures of the darkness grow
As treasures of the darkness grow

I turn to Wisdom not my own
For every battle You have known
My confidence will rest in You
Your love endures Your ways are good
Your love endures Your ways are good

When I am weary with the cost
I see the triumph of the cross
So in it's shadow I shall run
Till You complete the work begun
Till You complete the work begun

One day all things will be made new
I'll see the hope You called me to
And in your kingdom paved with gold
I'll praise your faithfulness of old
I'll praise your faithfulness of old

How true these lyrics are! God's ways are good, though I don't see it right now. God is at work in my family, growing our faith to be worth more than gold. And each morning, I lean on God for the new mercies I know I will find.

My, how times change.

I love seeing what God's been doing in our family. Here's a visible reminder that even though life's thrown us some bumps, God is good!!

The Warrior Dash

This past weekend, Curtis and I competed in the Warrior Dash, with our friends Erin and Brad. Erin has been a huge motivation to me!! Doing the Warrior Dash together was actually her idea, and when things were hard, I made sure I reminded her of that. Originally, Erin and her husband were going to do it together, just like Curtis and I were doing it together. Unfortunately, Jim Bob had to work, so Brad came. Brad and Curtis did the Tough Mudder together.

Our wave started at 12:30. We got up that morning and enjoyed our St. Partick's Day breakfast, loaded all the Krajcas and Brad into the car, dropped off the kiddos with AMAZING friends who watched the kids ALL day, and headed to Splendora. As we were driving, I started getting very nervous about our time. I wanted to make sure we had enough time to get there, pick up our packets, find Erin and get everything ready. I also really had to pee!! Curtis was speeding slightly, so when he said, "Oh crap!" I assumed we were getting pulled over. No such "luck". We had a flat.

I may or may not have flipped out at this point. But because I knew it wasn't the craziest thing I would be doing that day, I decided to just go ahead, pee on the side of the road, and do what I could to help Curtis. Curtis is such a stud and had the donut on in no time at all.

Did I mention that all this happened about a mile from our exit?! Ahhhh!!! Very stressful.

We parked, and headed to the line to wait for a bus to take us to the starting line. While walking across a field type, I rolled my ankle. I was fine, but keep that in mind for later in the series of events. Here we are, thankful to be in line waiting for the bus, but still a little anxious about making it on time.

We didn't make the first bus that came by, but were positive that we would make the next bus. Needless to say, when the next bus came to the BACK of the line to let people on, we were less then thrilled. At this point, we were considering walking, but were unsure of where we needed to go, and how far it was. I called Erin, who was waiting for us, and she told us to just wait. Finally, we made it onto a bus, and got to the race location. We even had time to snap a few pictures!

As we were standing at the starting line, waiting for our start time, I told Curtis that I was somewhat thankful for the distraction of the tire. I didn't have as much time to get nervous. But at this point, the nerves were setting in.

One of the longest running stretches was at the very beginning of the race. Though I hadn't been able to build up the endurance that I had hoped to, I was hoping that I would be able to run the entire first part. I didn't take into consideration the mud. It was so thick, making running very hard. I rolled my ankle again, making running slightly painful. More than anything, I was just nervous about hurting myself more. There were a couple obstacles, but I felt really good tackling them and moving on.

I continued feeling very optimistic until we reached the Giant Cliffhanger. It was a 15 ft slope (made out of plywood) that we climbed up using a rope. The part that increased my anxiety was seeing people slide down when they were 3/4 of the way up. I was afraid that if I lost my footing (keep in mind my shoes were wet and muddy) and fell, that I wouldn't have enough strength to go again. I was so focused on making it to the top, that once I got there, I couldn't think what to do next. It was actually quite amusing, I'm sure.

We hit the half way point, and I was exhausted!! Brad and Erin went on ahead, since I wasn't running any at this point. Curtis was AMAZING!! He found the perfect balance of motivating and pushing me to keep going, but also encouraging me when I was struggling. With his help, I completed every obstacle and finished the race in 5773 place (out of 7357) with a time of 1 hour 10 minutes.
I wouldn't classify the Warrior Dash as fun. I didn't have fun doing it. But the sense of accomplishment at the end was incredible and more than made up for the tough parts where I was willing to throw in the towel.

The best part of the Warrior Dash was being able to throw myself into something physical, something that I could have given up on but DIDN'T. I pushed my limits. I challenged myself. And I had a blast doing it!! Curtis and I are planning on doing another Dash, hopefully in the fall. My goal this time was to do every obstacle and finish. My goal next time is to finish in under and hour, and run more of it.

Till then, I'm looking for a new challenge. At the moment, I'm thinking I'm going to try to finish the Couch 2 5K program, and maybe attempt a 5K in the next few months. As crazy as this is, I'm starting to get addicted to these events! I strongly encourage you to find a way to push your physical limits! It's an incredible feeling when you realize that limits only exist if you let them.

St. Patrick's day

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

The morning of St. Patrick's Day, we had a yummy, green breakfast. As you can see from the pictures below, some children were more thrilled with our breakfast than others.

Celebrating Micah's b-day

This year for Micah's birthday, we had the special treat of having Daddy home from work for Spring Break! That made for a very calm, enjoyable family morning!

The morning started off with presents! Micah enjoyed opening presents from us and his Grandma and GrandDaddy. After opening and checking out all his loot, we enjoyed a breakfast of bacon and bulls-eye-toast (eggs in toast). Mmmmm! And since Daddy didn't have to rush off to work, we were able to enjoy some orange julius too.


For lunch, we headed to Cici's pizza and then to Chuck E Cheese where Micah used birthday money from Papaw and Memaw to buy tokens and play games.





Our evening was spent enjoying a yummy dinner and icecream, since the birthday boy doesn't like cake or cupcakes. It was a fun, enjoyable day, celebrating a very special boy!

Happy birthday, Micah! We all love you so very much.

Micah turns six!!!

Help my unbelief

"Everything is possible for one who believes."
Immediately, the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help my unbelief."
Mark 9:23 and 24

This is where I am.

I believe that everything we're going through is working for our good and His glory.

I believe that none of this is a surprise to God.

I believe that God loves my children more than I do.

I believe that in all this, we are more than conquerors.

I believe that we are not forsaken.

But the road we're walking right now is hard. And the cry of my heart... my sinful, doubting heart... is the cry of the father of the demon possessed child. "I believe. Help my unbelief."

So what do I do? How do I move forward? I look around, and see the filth and sin of this world. I'm daily reminded that this is not my home, and that I'm simply a pilgrim, passing through. I want to be strong and faithful. I want my walk to be worthy of my calling. But I'm so sad, frustrated, angry..... and unbelieving. When I heard the song int he post below, lyrics were very convicting. And timely. I know I can rest in God's sovereignty, in His perfect plan, in His love. But my heart is struggling, at times, to do those things.

As I look at the situations we're in right now, I see the hand of God. I know that He is moving. But my sinful heart screams at me, "But why did any of this have to happen?!" While I do see the good, and the blessings, I also can't help but feel discouraged that any of this is happening, when God could have kept these events from occurring. While voicing all these thoughts to a friend, he encouraged me in something he had heard, and reminded me of something I really needed to hear. God doesn't want my children to hurt. He doesn't want bad things to happen to them. But as the Author and Creator of my children, He knows what events they need to go through to become the people He's intended for them to be. So he allows things to happen to them, because he knows how it will end.

My friend's reminder helped me to remember that though I love my children, God loves them more. And yes, He could have prevented the bad things that have happened from happening. But these horrible events will be used in a mighty way. The Author knows what events need to be in my children's stories, so that they will be the people he's intended them to me.

So, in answer to my own question, I move forward in faith, reminding of God's promises. And praying that Jesus would help my unbelief.

Help my unbelief

I know the Lord is nigh,
And would but cannot pray,
For Satan meets me when I try,
And frights my soul away,
And frights my soul away.

I would but can’t repent,
Though I endeavor oft;
This stony heart can never relent
Till Jesus makes it soft,
Till Jesus makes it soft.

Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
My help must come from Thee.

I would but cannot love,
Though wooed by love divine;
No arguments have power to move
A soul as base as mine.
A soul so base as mine.

I would but cannot rest,
In God’s most holy will;
I know what He appoints is best,
And murmur at it still.
I murmur at it still.

Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
My help must come from Thee.

Nesting

After CPS came, while we were in the process of getting ready for the interview, I was asked by friends and family, who knew what was going on, how I was doing. At that point, I was feeling attacked. Curtis and I felt as though our family was not only under spiritual attack, but an actual physical attack..... an attack on our family, an attack on us as parents, an attack on the way we choose to live. So, when people asked how I was doing, I responded, "I want to bring my family in close and build a nest. I don't want to let anyone in or out."

Apparently, the kids picked up on this, and have started asking, "When are we going to build a nest?" and, "We want to make a nest!"

So today, we made a nest!


Thankfully, I'm not in the "nesting" phase any longer. I realized that though it was a very natural reaction to the situations around us, it was living in faith. It was living in fear.

The situation with our munchkin, which came up thanks to the CPS interview, is still going on. But, as sad as it it, we're adjusting to the new normal. A normal where bad things have happened to our family. A normal where I'm not 100% who I can trust. A normal that involves lots of business cards (police, child advocate, counselors) in my wallet.

But despite some of the new things in our normal, there are some of the same things. I'm still madly in love with this handsome man.....
We are committed to our family, more than ever. The desire of our hearts is to help our children grow and love Christ, every day. We stand in grace, and wait for the good that we know He is doing to be revealed.

Rainy Evening Fun

Watching a new movie, under a "tent", anticipating popcorn a orange julius.

Rainy Day Fun

Yesterday was a humid, drizzly day. By the evening, the rain had arrived. So today, we're having some rainy day fun, sock puppet style!

Micah and Benjamin asked for dragons.

Timothy got a cute froggie.

Elizabeth made her little pig all by herself.

I hope they enjoyed our fun little activity. Despite the fact that next week is spring break, we're going to be getting back into our school routine. Let me tell you folks, it's not going to be easy.

Where are we now?

What a hard place to be. Coming out of survival mode, trying to find our new normal, looking around and seeing the depravity of the fallen world.

That's where we are right now.

And though things are stabilizing, not everything has been resolved yet.

So, we are going to "set our hearts at rest in His presence," (1 John 3:19) knowing that we can stand in the love of Christ.