One of the things that was in my plan was maternity pictures. My plan was to take pretty maternity pictures the weekend after I turned 36 weeks. I had looked though maternity pics on line, and found some cute ideas. Here I am trying out one of the cute ideas.
My plan was to wear different clothes, go outside, and play with a few different cute poses to capture my last pregnancy. I wanted to capture what I looked like in the last few weeks of pregnancy. We aren't planning on having any more biological children. It was important for me to savor the end of the pregnancy, every little kick and move. To take lots of pictures so that I could remember what I looked like huge pregnant. I wanted to take a video of Timothy kicking. I wanted to take pictures of the kids feeling their new brother moving around inside of me.But I didn't get that.
Knowing I had "missed out" on all those picture, videos, kicks and moments, made Timothy's surprise, early arrival hard for me in some ways. There was a sense of loss.
All of this is a reminder to me that I am not in control of my life. I'm also not in control of the lives of my children. But I do have a loving Heavenly Father who controls the events in my life, even when those events make me feel scared and out of control.
The picture above is one of the last pictures that I have of my preggo belly. When Curtis took that picture, I didn't think it would become so precious to me. But it has. This picture not only reminds me of what it's like to have a baby growing inside of me. This picture reminds me that I am loved with an everlasting love. That my life is in the hands of the same One who created the heavens and the earth. And that even when my plans don't work out, and I feel a sense of loss, that every even in my life is drawing me closer to my Savior.
4 comments:
Sweet picture. Isn't encouraging to know that God is soveregin? Makes time when thing don't go according to our plans a little easier.
You look tiny pregnant in this picture... especially compared to a full 40 weeks with Mighty Micah!
Your friend and my awesome SIL gave a beautiful devotional for my little sis' baby shower this past weekend that is all about us making our perfect plans and the Lord establishing our steps. Your post reminded me of it. I am hoping to put it up on my blog so that everyone can enjoy it....
Congrats on your beautiful new baby boy. And welcome to the 1 girl, 3 boy club!
I completely empathize with those emotions. I still feel them when I look through Fiona's baby album and see those 2 months of pictures missing, especially the belly shots. I'll be praying for you as you ride out these completely legitimate and normal emotions!
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