Dating application

I found this from a friend's blog, and thought it was hilarious! And just for the record, if one of my sons ever wants to date your daughter, please have him fill out this application. :-)

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE OUR DAUGHTERNOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME________________ DATE OF BIRTH________________HEIGHT________ WEIGHT________ IQ_______ GPA_______
SOCIAL SECURITY #_________ DRIVERS' LICENSE #_________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_________________________
HOME ADDRESS_____________________________________
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___NoIf No, explain: ____________________________________________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ___________If less than your age, explain ___________________________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:Do you have:
A. Access to a Van? ___Yes ___No
B. A truck with over sized tires? ___Yes ___No
C. A Water bed? ___Yes ___No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? ___Yes ___No
E. A Tattoo? ___Yes ___No
F. An earring, nose ring, pierced tongue or a belly button ring? ___Yes ___No
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:Church you attend __________________________
How often you attend________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
Father? __________________Mother? ___________________
Pastor? ___________________

SHORT ANSWER SECTION:Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely as all answers are confidential.
A. If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:________________________________________________
B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:________________________________________________
C. A woman's place is in the:________________________________________________
D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:________________________________________________
E. What do you want to be IF you grow up?________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room________________________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANTI TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Applicant's Signature__________________________________________________
Mother's Signature__________________________________________________
Father's Signature __________________________________________________

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.